nobody said it was easy
by hooklesslyinlove
Summary: Warning: Contains spoilers for 04x09 / She sniffled, her chest heaving slightly with emotions that he knew she struggles with at times and he was momentarily taken back to a similar moment a year ago, seconds away from a curse that would separate them indefinitely, conveying unspoken feelings with watery smiles and words meant to soothe and reassure.


**A/N:** This fic is based on that one promo picture for 04x09 that they released with [spoiler] Emma and Killian seemingly in the middle of a super emotional and teary goodbye scene, followed by a kiss (w/ Emma's hand on Killian's cheek as they did - squee!).So I did what I don't normally do, and wrote a speculation drabble based on those two pictures :)

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><p>Lips down-turned and quivering, she stood before him, her red-rimmed eyes staring unblinkingly up at his until it fluttered closed for a split second and a trail of moisture trailed down her cheeks.<p>

It was a look that he knew well, having been on the receiving end of it far too many times than he would have liked, and just as he did once before, he ached to reach up and wipe them away. Wipe away her pain and take it all for himself.

She sniffled, her chest heaving slightly with emotions that he knew she struggles with at times and he was momentarily taken back to a similar moment a year ago. Seconds away from a curse that would separate them indefinitely, conveying unspoken feelings with watery smiles and words meant to soothe and reassure.

Her silence killed him, made him ache in a way that didn't surprise him. Even without a heart, his love for her was strong; stronger than he could have hoped for after his loss. And he was sure that had he been in possession of one, the feeling of dread, impending loss, and desperation would have been... unthinkable. Certainly unbearable.

Unable to endure the broken look on her face, he spoke, intending to say something, anything that could make her smile.

"If we get through this, I'm cashing in on that date, Swan," he told her, trying for a smile that he was sure did not meet his eyes, even though the fact that he was still heartless and at the mercy of his enemy niggled at his mind.

Their victory - and he didn't doubt that his Swan would come out victorious, as she always does - would mean nothing to him if his heart was reduced to ashes in the hands of the person he hated most, but he didn't allow himself to dwell on it. Not now when she was moving closer to him, her hands clenched into fists, and her tears flowing more steadily down her face.

"_When_. When we get through this, you are going to help me find my own place, _then_ we'll go on another date," she murmured with a small, desolate smile as she came to a stop, their bodies a hair's breadth apart. Her fist came up to rest on his chest, flattening almost immediately to rest against it, before it slid up towards his neck, over his jaw, until she was cupping his cheek. Her free hand smoothed up his side, clutching desperately at his jacket. Her face even more forlorn than it had been a few second ago now that they were touching.

His breath heavy, his own arms wrapped around her back, pulling her closer still until their bodies pressed together. Close enough for him to feel her heartbeat through their layers of clothing; the one little bright spark in the face of his emotional turmoil. It didn't matter that he could be facing his downfall much sooner than he'd planned, just as long as her heart remained where it belongs, beating with life, love—

His hold on her tightened, absorbing her warmth, and greedily drowning himself in the feel of her heart beating against his chest. "Emma," he started, his hand slowly rubbing at her back. "No matter what happens today–"

She cut him off, the thumb that had been stroking at his cheek pressing against his lips. Her eyes closed as her head fell forward to tenderly rest her forehead against his. "I know," she murmured, her breath warm on his lips, and he was helpless to this brand of hell, his eyes closing in anguish as he attempted to stop his own tears from falling.

He pressed a kiss to the thumb now tracing his lips, and he steeled himself for what he was about to tell her. He couldn't tell her the biggest, probably most important thing about him at the moment, the absence of his heart, but he sure as hell could tell her what it contained because she _had_ to know. He had to tell her. Just in case—

The circumstances left a lot to be desired, but he was sure that they didn't have enough time for rose petals and candles under starlight.

"You know that I lo—"

She pressed her lips against his in a kiss, stopping the words before it left his mouth. And even though he was disappointed that she hadn't allowed him to say the words, he returned her kiss, needing the contact just as much as she did. His lips parted immediately at her tongue's gentle insistence, his hand moving up to cup her head as she kissed him deeply, desperately.

She pulled back first, breathing heavily. And with her lips still pressed against his, she whispered, "I know." Her green eyes opened to steadily meet his gaze, her hand still stroking at his face as she softly added, "But try telling me again _after_."

He knew that the likelihood of him getting another chance to tell her were very slim, so he pressed a final kiss against her lips to stop himself from making any more promises that he probably won't be able to keep, pouring every ounce of whatever love was left in him into it. When they reluctantly pulled away a second time, he slowly released her from his embrace.

He returned the small smile that she sent him. Her hand fell to his shoulders, sliding down his arm until their hands touched as she moved away from him and towards her parents, neither of them letting go until the last possible second.


End file.
